Valentines Day Funny Love Message for Wife
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While romance and roses brand for a lovely Valentine's Solar day gesture, filling your February 14th with both love and laugher is often the best gift of all. From Valentine'southward Twenty-four hour period quotes that playfully poke fun at this Hallmark holiday to LOL-worthy commentary about wedlock and relationships, this large list offunny Valentine's Day quotes speak to the lighter side of dearest.
To requite your valentine lots of laughs this year, share ane of these hilarious sayings with them over Instagram or write i of these funny quotes in their Valentine's Day carte.
And whatever you do, don't forget the chocolates!
100 Funny Valentine'southward Day Quotes
ane. "Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I honey you lot. I have loved you since the get-go day I saw you lot. Whenever that was." ― Charles M. Schulz
2. "I wanted to make it really special on Valentine'due south Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for iii solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV." — Tracy Smith
3. "Valentine's Mean solar day: the holiday that reminds yous that if y'all don't have a special someone, you lot're lone." —Lewis Black
four. "To be in dear is merely to exist in a land of perceptual anesthesia." — H. L. Mencken
5. "Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is." —Anonymous
half-dozen. "Love is a lot similar a backache, information technology doesn't evidence up on x-rays, but you know it'south at that place." — George Burns
Related:Happy Valentine'due south Mean solar day Quotes! 150 Cupid-Approved V-Day Quotes
7. "Would I rather exist feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be agape of how much they love me." — Michael Scott, The Office
viii. "The thing most Valentine's 24-hour interval is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of." — Faye Morgan
nine. "You can't buy love, but you tin can pay heavily for it." — Henny Youngman
10. "Without Valentine's Twenty-four hour period, February would be…well, January." — Jim Gaffigan
11. "If you text 'I dear yous' to a person and the person writes back an emoji – no thing what that emoji, they don't love you lot back." — Chelsea Peretti
12. "Remember, your Valentine'due south card shows you intendance enough to send the very best, even though you lot're too lazy to put it in your own words." — Melanie White
13. "The underground to a long marriage is to stay gone." — Dolly Parton
14. "I didn't fall for you, yous tripped me!" — Jenny Han
Related: Hilarious Valentine's Day Memes
15. "You know how people say, 'You can't live without dearest'? Well, oxygen is even more important." – Dr. Gregory Houser
16. "Real love amounts to withholding the truth, fifty-fifty when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone'southward feelings." — David Sedaris
17. "You're never lonely on Valentine'southward Mean solar day if you lot're most a lake and have breadstuff." — Mike Primavera
18. "A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in dearest." — Friedrich Nietzsche
19. "Information technology wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." — Lucille Brawl
twenty. "A guy knows he'southward in beloved when he loses involvement in his car for a couple of days." — Tim Allen
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21. "A human being'southward primary chore is to protect his woman from her desire to 'get bangs' every other month." — Dax Shepard
22. "Can officially confirm that the style to a human being'due south heart these days is non through beauty, food, sex activity, or alluringness of character, only simply the power to seem not very interested in him." —Bridget Jones's Diary
23. "If you text 'I love you' and the person writes back an emoji—no affair what that emoji is, they don't love you dorsum." — Chelsea Peretti
24. "Information technology is non love that makes a relationship complicated; it's the people in it who do." — Unknown
25. "Honey is being stupid together." — Paul Valery
26. "Honesty is the key to a human relationship. If you tin can simulated that, you're in." — Richard Jeni
27. "Love is a grave mental illness." — Plato
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28. "Union is like pantyhose. Information technology all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
29. "True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." — Mindy Kaling
thirty. "I love being married. It's so great to find that i special person yous want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner
31. "1 should always exist in dear. That is the reason one should never ally." — Oscar Wilde
32. "Love is merely a muddied trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species." — W. Somerset Maugham
33."The matter nearly Valentine'due south day is that people discover who are unmarried and who to feel jealous of." — Faye Morgan
34. "Oh here's an idea: permit's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people nosotros love on Valentine'southward Day. That's not weird at all." — Jimmy Fallon
35. "Remember, your Valentine's card shows you care enough to ship the very all-time, even though you're too lazy to put it in your own words." – Melanie White
36.I have no Valentines appointment! Anyway, it's okay, food is love, food is life.
37. "Women are meant to exist loved, not to exist understood." – Oscar Wilde
38. "Honey means nothing in tennis, simply it's everything in life." – Unknown
39. "In case I forget to tell you after, I had a really good time tonight." —Pretty Woman
40. "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your business firm, you can never tell." – Joan Crawford
41. "If honey is the reply, and then could you rephrase the question?" — Lily Tomlin
Related:61 Valentine'due south Day Gifts That Will Steal Your Daughter'southward Center
42." Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in dearest" — Albert Einstein
43. "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll exist happy. If y'all get a bad ane, you'll become a philosopher." – Socrates
44. "The trouble with some women is that they get all excited near nothing—and so marry him." — Cher
45."My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. Merely they don't really know me." – Garry Shandling
46."And so you see, my son, in that location is a very fine line between love and nausea." — King Jaffe Joffer
Related: Valentine'south Day Quotes for Friends
47. "I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox." – Woody Allen
48." A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." – Tim Allen
49. "Love is sharing your popcorn." — Charles Schulz
fifty."I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to discover your glasses cannot exist ignored." — Cameron Esposito
51. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy trouble. But they don't really know me." — Garry Shandling
52. "Plain, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." — Chelsea Handler
53. "Women marry men hoping they will modify. Men marry women hoping they will not. And then each is inevitably disappointed." – Albert Einstein
54. "Dear is hiding who you are at all times. Information technology'south wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger Male monarch to poop." — 30 Rock
55. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Piece of cake. Both. I desire people to exist afraid of how much they love me." —The Office
56. "Love is blind—spousal relationship is the middle-opener." — Pauline Thomason
57. "Being a good hubby is like being a stand-up comic. Yous demand 10 years before you tin telephone call yourself a beginner." – Jerry Seinfeld
Related:Create The Ultimate Valentine's Day For Your Kids' Classroom With 43 Fun Valentines' Ideas
58." If you tin can stay in beloved for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
59. "Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little flake of freedom." — Jerry Seinfeld
sixty. "You tin't put a price tag on dear. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go along sale." — Hussein Nishah
61." Never sign a Valentine with your own proper noun." — Charles Dickens
62. "Before you lot marry a person you should beginning make them utilize a computer with slow cyberspace to see who they actually are." — Will Ferrell
63. "The corking question which I accept not been able to answer… is, 'What does a woman want?' — Freud
64. "Where love is the case, the dr. is an donkey." — English Proverb
65. "Never ally a man y'all wouldn't want to be divorced from." — Nora Ephron
66. "Dearest is what you lot've been through with somebody." — James Thurber
67. "An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her." — Agatha Christie
68. "You lot're just like bacon, beer, and chocolate – you make everything better." — Unknown
69. "Dearest is k; divorce is a hundred grand." — Unknown
70. "Love is not having to concur in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
71. "Eighty per centum of married men cheat in America. The residual cheat in Europe." — Jackie Mason
72."I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her oral cavity." — Chico Marx
73. "So you run into, my son, at that place is a very fine line between honey and nausea." — Rex Jaffe Joffer
74. "A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, just he's not very brilliant." — Lucille Brawl
75. "My wife gets all the money I brand. I just become an apple and clean wearing apparel every forenoon."— Ray Romano
76. "Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, only you lot'd be surprised at the large number that re-enlists." — James Garner
Related:These 54 Valentine'due south 24-hour interval Gifts for Kids Will Make 'Em Go Heart-Eyed
77. "I nearly had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met." — Steven Wright
78. "My wife was afraid of the night. Then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the calorie-free." — Rodney Dangerfield
79. "What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork." – Pearl Bailey
lxxx. "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting amend taste in them." — Bill Maher
81. "Women demand a reason to have sex. Men merely need a place." — Billy Crystal
82. "My phone battery lasts longer than about of my relationships present." — Jacques Torres
83. "There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart." – Melanie Griffith
Related: Funny Valentine's Twenty-four hours Puns
84. "When you see a married couple walking downward the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the ane that's mad." – Helen Rowland
85. "Love is a 2-way street constantly under construction." — Carroll Bryant
86."I reallyyy similar you, even if my resting bitch face says otherwise!" — Unknown
87. "A man in beloved is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished." – Zsa Zsa Gabor
88.Yay! We still like each other. Happy Valentine'south Day, beautiful.
89. "Union is similar vitamins: we supplement each other's minimum daily requirements." – Kathy Mohnke
xc. "I simply want to be friends. Plus a piddling extra. Too, I honey you." — Dwight Schrute
91. "Expect, there'south no metaphysics on world like chocolates." — Fernando Pessoa
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92. "Dearest is an electric blanket with somebody else in command of the switch." — Cathy Carlyle
93. "Practise you believe in dear at offset sight, or should I walk by again?" — Unknown
94."Love is similar war: like shooting fish in a barrel to begin just very difficult to stop." – H. 50. Mencken
95. "That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else." — Sixteen Candles
96.I'd be the first to stomp on your lovely zombie head. Happy Valentine's Day!
97. "Love is like an hourglass, with the centre filling upwardly as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
98. "As a man in a relationship, yous have a choice: Y'all can be correct or you can exist happy." – Ralphie May
99. "Dear is a sweet dream and marriage is the warning clock." — Jewish Proverb
100. "Will y'all be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical question. Nosotros're married." — Unknown
Making a homemade card for your valentine? Check out these ambrosial DIY Valentine'southward Day card ideas for inspiration.
Source: https://parade.com/986706/marynliles/funny-valentines-day-quotes/
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